Confessions of a Mother - Part 2

The Hypocrite In Me

 

 

So I'm a total hypocrite. It pains me from time to time and it certainly sends me on a massive guilt trip too. I can vouch for doing everything I said I wouldn't do before becoming a Mother.

 

I paraded my views around like I was a strong Woman with a vision for goodness, a solid quest to deliver my kids a healthy wellbeing template, a foundation built upon a calming love with my undivided attention and priding myself to be ever present (within reason - I wasn't that moronic to think I had to be by my childs side 24/7)

 

Bible of Boundaries. 

By The Eastwell’s for their Offspring 

 

My child/ren will:

 

Never watch cartoons or trashy TV

 

Only ever eat McDonalds or other junk foods at parties

 

Will be given educational toys only

 

I don't associate pink for girls or blue for boys (I like to think I’m not a     conditioned robot floating around in a collective mass of sheep doing as they’re told or what K-mart categorises each gender

     

Never hear me swear

     

Never be smacked

     

Will always speak with a civil tone and never hear me yell

     

Always get a bedtime story

     

Get undivided attention regarding learning to read & write

     

Be encouraged to paint and create all the time

     

No iPads during the week

     

Be absolute charmers with their manners

 

 

 

My children are:

 

Lovers of TV & movies (I must admit they don’t really care for cartoons much)

     

Doing on lots of road trips results in lots of McDonalds and junk food is a regular. (I’m talking chocolate and chips. No fizzy drinks or lollies in our house)

     

Their toys are tacky plastic crap

     

Pink is permanent pixel in my eye

     

They have heard ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ and ‘prick’ and 'arsehole' a few times

     

This is my major guilt trip right here - smacking my girls! When I'm revved to the ilt and ‘I can’t cope for one more second,' ‘you’ve been so insanely naughty’, 'I've told you six times already'...it just kinda happens. I’m never comfortable smacking my girls. It’s my problem not theirs and I wish I had more self control. My guilts are high for a reason. I don’t believe in it, yet I practice it (very very rarely). I told you I’m a hypocrite.

     

I’m a fully fledged yeller. This is my biggest down fall as a Mum. It’s revolting for little people to hear such force in your voice and bellowing anger to boot. Nothing nice about it, except when you let rip, they listen. Funny that…

     

Bedtime stories just don’t happen as a rule in our house. They get tickles instead.

teaching our kids to read and write was practised to some degree with our first child. We did well I thought. And now with Macy starting school in two months, we’ve forgotten to mention the alphabet, let alone put letters together. Joking - she can write her first name, count to 100 but reading a single word in a book sense is unheard of. We forgot to care about this. Whatever, whatever!

     

Get our craft on is left for school. I’m so slack when it comes to sitting with my kids and painting with them. I must be lazy and selfish for not embracing their creative side because I can’t be stuffed setting up paints, etc. I am not a hands on Mum when it comes to craft. I’d rather play tiggy with them, or swim together, or run through the sprinkler, or go for a bike ride, collect shells at the beach and dive under waves.

 

As soon as they wake, they’re on their iPads, then I crack it and go back to the ‘only on the weekends’ rule. That lasts a week if I’m lucky!

     

I pride myself on pulling manners out of every part of their personalities but for some reason my girls are super shy and speak so meek and mild it’s hard to hear what they’re saying? I’m wondering when they’ll be ready to say, ‘I’m very well thanks, how are you? So basic yet so very hard. 

 

 

As you can see I’m a hypocrite in every sense of the word. What I have learnt however, is thinking you understand parenthood before you have kids is like saying if you train hard enough, both mentally and physically to climb Mt Everest you will reach the peak.  Truth is as soon as you’re thrown into the elements on that mountain your most vulnerable self is challenged in a way you never saw coming. Reaching that peak is not a guaranteed and neither is parenthood. You can never prepare enough nor will you ever be an expert.

 

It’s the toughest, most gruelling, testing job description one will ever take on. It’s a fully fledged assault on all things patience, selflessness, independence. Throw in the loss of your own identity for a decade and see where it leaves your relationships and your sanity.

 

Motherhood is the most rewarding job and lifestyle I could have ever dreamt of. Yes, it’s fiercely frustrating and so flipping hard on so many levels, but I have to say my hypocrisy is a drop in the ocean compared to the love our family has for each other.

 

I love my girls so much it hurts. It makes my nose tingle with emotion, my eyes well with tears with a sense of pride that envelopes my entire body. The shitty times where I wanted to scream, run away to a tropical island and threaten them with being dropped off at the cranky mans house on top of a thousand rants while I waited for DOCS to arrive, because surely the neighbours think I'm slitting their throats.