The Gentle Rapist

It would be safe to say, when most of us think of rape, we imagine all sorts of sadistic acts...violence, thrown around, pinned down, screams, fighting for your life, blood, begging to stop etc etc!

I can now safely declare my rapes were nothing like this. It was a replication of a sadistic relationship, born from the depths of his pyschy, completely convinced a romance can exist between a man and a child 45 years apart. He even had the audacity to utter such words when I confronted him at age 21 after asking him, 'WHY HE DID IT TO ME?'....'oh but we were so close, don't you remember!'

The man that raped me well over 200 times from around the age of 3 or 4 until 11 or 12 was a gentle rapist. He was never violent, violating yes, but never violent. He was gentle in his approach, careful to keep my whimpers at a low, mindful of my mouth alerting people in the next room and at best playing out the game as if he were being scored for his tenderness.

However, it was brutal in my mind and in my heart. The heaviness of his actions bore such weight, like an overturned boat anchored in a treacherous sea. Then only to break free and drift further into the depths of the black lonely ocean where only sea life existed rendering useless to my escape. Then as daylight approached so did the darkness of the night.